For more than a year now the security guard that patrols my apartment complex parking lot at night has had a standing feud with one of the guys who digs through our dumpsters looking for recyclables to sell. Now when it comes to dumpster divers my reaction comes in two forms. If you’re looking for stuff to sell like bottles and cans, more power to you. However, if I see you rooting through trash to find letters, papers, or other forms of personal information so you can sell them to identity thieves I will hit you in the head with a rock and leave your unconscious body in the dumpster. That being said, this guy is a strictly bottle and can man and his name is Joe. (Call me paranoid, but if the same guy is going to be snooping through my apartment complex at least twice a week then I’m going to find out who he is. I don’t try to make friends, trying to make friends with a guy like Joe gets you labelled as a chump and someone to be taken advantage of, but I will at least say Hi.)
Anyway, so Joe and the Security guard have been screaming at each other at least once a month for more than a year now. Today I walked out to the dumpster carrying a bag of trash and heard the rhythmic clinking of shattering glass. I walked around the corner of the enclosure and saw the security guard filling a plastic tub with glass bottles and shattering them into sharp jagged shards before sprinkling the shattered glass across the contents of the dumpster.
Now, Joe is filthy, sexist, half-insane, generally a dick, and I really wouldn’t mind if he gets a jagged shard of glass in his rear-end, but that security guard definitely wins Asshole of the Day